i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
