My friends, they love my intelligence
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
