I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
