either way he was missing a nipple.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
