So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
