you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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