I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
