I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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