I've blown a few things in my day
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
