you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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