put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
