I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize