Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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