You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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