i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
