at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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