i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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