I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
