You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
