You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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