I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
