did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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