I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
