life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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