i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
