I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
