I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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