Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
