i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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