Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
