trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Mom said you looked used
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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