i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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