Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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