The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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