You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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