I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
