Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
