she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
