I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
