Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
