im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
