I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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