I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
