nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
