What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
