Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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