I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
