google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
