his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
