I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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