I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I would fuck him just for his dog
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
