Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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