I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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