she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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