Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
