You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
