I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
