i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
