Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So much rum. So many feels.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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