Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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