why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
