She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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