I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
