Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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