just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
