I showed him my bush... on skype.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
