I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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