Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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