Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
