So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
