I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
